


Kiss or Die

by chicapanzy



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2014-05-16
Packaged: 2018-01-25 04:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1630409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chicapanzy/pseuds/chicapanzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim frequents bars all over, finding ways to make trouble. His favorite way of doing so is kissing guys without warning. Sometimes they react well, sometimes they don't. Spock is the most recent victim of the game Jim plays. An AU of sorts inspired by the song "I Kissed A Boy" by Cobra Starship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss or Die

Jim Kirk was notorious for starting trouble. If you saw him in a bar or a nightclub, you could guarantee that there was going to be either bloodshed or a rather graphic makeout session (if not more). In his mere twenty-something years of life he’d gotten himself banned from seven bars and two clubs, been beaten within an inch of his life three times, and expanded his little black book by an alarming number with both local and intergalactic contacts. Some joked that just making eye contact with him would give you a venereal disease or two.

One of Jim’s favorite pastimes was a little game he'd named Kiss or Die. To play involved walking up to a male of any species and planting a wet one on whatever was considered their mouth. It was a stupid game that more often than not involved a fist in his face, but he derived such a perverse pleasure out of it he couldn't really convince himself not to continue playing it. It was his version of Russian Roulette, and he made sure he was completely shitfaced before he even attempted it. At least then if he ended up getting ejected, he’d earned the right to be in the bar in the first place before unceremoniously being tossed out on his ass. And really, even a man filled with self-confidence could use a heaping dose of liquid courage before kissing an alien built like a brick wall (who ironically wasn’t one of the guys that tried to pop his head like a grape).

There was one bar that, for some reason, had absolutely no problem with his shenanigans. In fact, the bartender was all too happy to encourage Jim to be raucous. Scotty, as Jim liked to believe, was a bit sadistic in his enjoyment of Jim’s little game of Kiss or Die. Many times Scotty would have a suggestion on who Jim should try to smooch, typically driving him toward those that were less likely to put Jim in a hospital gown.

One night Jim walked into the bar and Scotty grinned madly at him, waving him over frantically. “Jim! C’mon Jim, hurry up! You’re not gonna believe what I have to tell ya!”

Curious as hell, Jim quickened his pace to see just what it was that Scotty had to tell him so urgently. The look on his face had Jim only slightly concerned considering he’d already loosened himself up with a couple shots before he left his house.

“What’s eatin’ you Scotty? You look like the cat that ate the canary.”

Scotty waved Jim closer and flung an arm around him. He reached his hand out and pointed toward a secluded corner of the bar. “Look over there. Tell me what y’see.”

It was a bit hazy in the bar, and that was what Jim blamed on what he’d seen. Surely he wasn’t really seeing a Vulcan sitting with a beautiful woman in the bar. There was no way.

“It can’t be,” he mused out loud.

Scotty aimed his grin at Jim. “Oh aye, it is.”

Jim wasn’t convinced. “You’re certain?”

“Ach, I’m the bloody bartender! Of course I’m certain! They came to the bar askin’ for a private spot an’ I showed them the least noisy table in the place. I’m tellin’ ya Jim, that’s a bonafide Vulcan in our midst!”

Jim let out a low whistle and leaned against his elbow. “Well I’ll be.” He threw a sideways glance to Scotty while still looking at the couple in the corner. “I take it the chick he’s with is his date?”

“Seems like it. Not that that’s stopped you before.” 

The woman was beautiful in an almost scary way. He could tell from across the room that despite her elegance and grace that she could and would crack a man’s skull if he crossed her. The fact that he could read that about her as she batted her long eyelashes at her Vulcan companion and smiled brightly when she threw her ponytail over her shoulder spoke volumes.

Jim sighed and ran a hand over his face. This was going to be one of those tricky stunts that had little potential to end well for him. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, that sort of thing never deterred him. “If that’s your pick of the night for me, I’m glad I’ve already had a couple shots. I’m gonna need to be extra sloppy drunk to pull through this without getting killed.”

And so he began imbibing a heavy stream of potent alcoholic drinks in a relatively short span of time. Considering a Vulcan in a bar was a thing most only heard of in lame jokes, Jim knew he couldn’t squander the opportunity that’d been given to him by lingering over a drink too long. Once the world tipped and swirled like he was sailing on a cruise ship during a typhoon, he knew he was ready to do what may arguably be the stupidest thing ever. Not stupider than trying to kiss a Klingon maybe, but Jim hadn’t had such an opportunity yet. Perhaps it was the universe’s attempt at keeping him alive as long as possible. 

Making no effort to walk properly, Jim teetered and tottered through the crowded bar until he’d reached his destination. Before he could announce himself he was pinned by two sets of warm brown eyes. One set looked at him curiously, the other seemed intent on making his head explode. He put on his best grin and spoke as eloquently as his alcohol-numbed mouth could manage.

“Why hello there,” he said with only a slight swaying of his body. “‘m not interruptin’ y’guys ‘m I?”

The woman blinked entirely too slowly and lifted her chin at Jim. Her voice dripped with disdain as she spoke. “As a matter of fact, yes, you are.”

Jim held up his hands defensively and nodded. “Right, right, I kinda figured I was. Listen, I’ll be outta your lovely long hair ‘n justa moment. I jus’ needta do sumfin.”

The couple before him raised an eyebrow in what could be considered one synchronized movement. He wondered if everything they did was so perfectly coordinated or if he was being just ludicrous enough for their reactions to sync together like that. Of course, he hadn't come over to dissect their body language; he'd come to plant a kiss on his very first Vulcan. A Vulcan who was, if he was entirely honest, pretty fucking hot, and that wasn’t just the alcohol talking. 

The Vulcan in question immediately tensed when Jim moved into his personal space. Jim put his hands on the man's face, pleasantly surprised by the heat that radiated off of it. He didn't know a whole lot more about Vulcans than the general public did, and it was interesting to compare what he'd read about with what he was swiftly learning on his own. Giving his lips a quick and unnecessary lick, he leaned in and kissed the Vulcan. The kiss itself, while a bit sloppy, was quite chaste. Yet it evoked a scandalized gasp from the woman that only encouraged him to let it linger longer than he’d originally intended. After all, the biggest draw to this game of his was for the reactions of those around him. The other was the feel of his lips against another's and the total risk he took every time he did it. It didn't matter if his kissee offered nothing in return, just as this one didn't (not unexpected but still a touch disappointing). The result was what Jim was really after, pleasant or not. 

The kiss ended with someone pulling him by the collar of his jacket. In a flurry of movement he was whirled around and pushed away from the table. Still caught in the momentum he spun around to see the offender. It was the woman.

"Get the hell out of here you creep!" Her yelling was gathering the attention of everyone in the bar to Jim’s delight. "You can't just go around kissing an ambassador's son like that! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Jim laughed and held his hands up in surrender. Out of the corner of his eye he could see said ambassador's son staring at him incredulously. His deep brown eyes were wide, the only hint at any sort of emotional backlash from the sudden assault on his face. Jim experienced an unexpected desire to see what other kinds of reactions he could draw from the Vulcan.

"Was jus' havin' a liddle fun, tha's all. Di'n e’en know he was so impor’ant."

"I imagine there's not too much you do know," she replied. As insults went, he'd heard worse. "I have half a mind to press assault charges on you, you little-"

"That is enough, Nyota."

Both of them snapped their heads to gawk at the Vulcan who had clearly overcome his shock. His face wore the calm neutral expression that all Vulcans were famed for. "I am unharmed. To take such drastic measures over something so harmless is highly illogical. As my advisor I'd expect more from you."

Nyota visibly deflated. There was nothing quite like a Vulcan publicly calling you illogical, especially if you worked for them. "But Spock..."

Spock cut her off again, this time only with a raise of his eyebrow. He spoke in a carefully controlled voice. “I have done enough research of human behaviors to know that a kiss, even when given without permission, is not an offensive action, but one that has the intention to express affection and desire. Such a gesture does not bother me.”

“In our culture, kissing someone so abruptly without warning can indeed be considered an offense, minor as it may be.” Nyota turned her gaze back to Jim so sharply that her ponytail whipped around her. She glared at him in disgust and spat, “It’s even more of an offense if a slovenly drunk does it.”

Jim was about to protest when Spock spoke instead, his tone of voice edgier this time. “Miss Uhura. I personally take no offense. You will drop the matter or we will leave immediately.”

Still glaring at Jim, she grumbled, “I think leaving would be preferable if this is the kind of depravity we’ll be subject to.”

“Very well.” Spock rose from his seat and straightened his slate gray tunic before pushing his chair in. “In that case I will pay our tab and we will be on our way.”

The Vulcan walked towards the bar, leaving Nyota and Jim left alone together to watch him leave. Nyota aimed her glare at Jim once again and jabbed at his chest. “You're lucky he isn't offended by your crude behavior. I still think he should file an assault charge against you."

Jim rubbed where Nyota poked him and frowned severely at her. "If anyone should file an assault charge it's me! I'm th’ one gettin' assaulted!"

"Anyone ever tell you that you're a jerk? You don't just walk up to someone and, and kiss them like that! He's engaged!"

Ignoring the bit of guilt that seeped through the drunken haze, Jim snorted and shrugged. "'S none of my business if he's taken or not. It's not like I slept with him or anything." Not that the thought was unpleasant. He'd get a real kick seeing if the logical, stoic facade extended to the bedroom. And if Spock looked that good on clothes he must look great without them...

"The tab has been paid," Spock said, having returned. "We are free to leave."

"And not a moment too soon." With a final glare and flagrant flip of her hair, Nyota made her way toward the exit. 

However, Spock was not in as big a hurry as she was. He put his hands behind his back and stood ramrod straight. "You'll have to excuse my companion. She is at times overly protective of me."

"So I see," Jim smirked. "Seems she could use a little kissing herself.”

While Spock didn’t outright smile there was a telltale twitching at the corner of his mouth. Seeing it made Jim want to kiss him all over again; he restrained himself from doing so. There was no point in making another show of things and he was honestly starting to sober a touch from the whole ordeal. 

“I cannot say with certainty that she suffers from a deficiency of this wholly human behavior, though I also cannot say that she is better off without it.”

Jim lightly chuckled and patted Spock on the corner. “In any case, thanks for being so cool about me kissing you. It’s a little thing I like to do when I go out drinking and I just couldn’t resist when I saw you.”

“Yes, your bartender friend told me as such,” Spock said. “He had quite a number of interesting things to tell me about you.”

Jim nervously licked his lips. Scotty couldn’t have divulged too much information considering Spock hadn’t been gone very long. It didn’t make him feel any better. “Yeah? Like what?”

Spock shook his head. “Irrelevant. I should be going, or else Miss Uhura will no doubt become hostile towards you again. But before I go…”

Jim was pulled forward by a warm hand that curled around the base of his skull. For the second time that night his lips met Spock’s, but it was far more passionate than the chaste one Jim had given. Another hand rested on the small of Jim’s back as the fingers of the other massaged his scalp. In his surprise Jim’s lips parted, and Spock took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Somewhere in the back of his mind he regretted how much he’d drank, knowing he probably tasted like a distillery. He got over his shock quickly and gripped onto the sides of Spock’s tunic, returning the kiss with equal fervor. Even with his eyes closed he could tell that everyone was looking at them once again, hoots and whistles a dead giveaway to the witnessing of their spectacle.

Hardly any distance was put between them when they finally parted, their breaths mingling in ragged pants. Jim became acutely aware of how tightly he was holding on to Spock and loosened his grip marginally. Bright blue eyes met rich chocolate brown ones, the tips of their noses gently rubbing against each other. Spock was all he could see in that moment, and Jim wondered how he’d ever want to look at anyone else again.

It wasn’t until Spock reluctantly pulled himself completely away that Jim was able to take in the image of Spock’s now quite irate advisor. Barely able to stifle his laughter, he hid his grin behind a balled fist.

“Looks like Miss Uhura is beyond hostile right now.”

Spock turned and saw precisely what Jim was referring to. “Indeed.” He turned back to Jim, straightening his tunic before pulling out a business card and extending it to Jim. “Program this number into your communicator. When you have sufficiently tired of this little game you so frequently play, I recommend you make contact with me.”

Jim eyed the card, curious as to how and why an ambassador’s son had need for a business card, and returned his gaze to Spock. “Say I do. How do I guarantee you won’t have simply forgotten all about me?”

Spock leaned forward and dropped his voice down low. “I assure you, I shall not forget about you, James T. Kirk.”

With a single nod, the Vulcan turned on his heel and made his way out of the bar. Nyota glared daggers from across the room before joining him. Jim watched them both leave, his feet glued to the floor. He looked down at the card once more and smirked.

Somehow, he had a feeling it wouldn’t be very long before he called up Mr. S’chn T’gai Spock.


End file.
